Breathtaking

One of the best things about living Eugene is that you wake up to letters like this on the editorial page. First thing in the morning, it really gets the brain juices flowing.

Happy New Year, comrades

Another year has come and gone. Time for Christmas.

America has voted in a new president. We'll keep our guns, money, and religious freedom, thank you very much. You can keep the change!

Remember Sarah Palin in 2012? I think Santa Claus is broke this Christmas. All the money went to OPEC. And now, we will be fighting just one war. So instead of our brave soldiers dying in two countries, they will just be dying in one - Afghanistan.

President-elect Barack Obama promises to get Osama bin Laden, so he is going to send troops into Pakistan. Gee, didn't some complain about President Bush doing that in Iraq? Besides, I thought we were fighting the same enemy: Muslim extremists who hate us.

I hope we're happy in our new socialist state where there's no room for Jesus. We will be like the Borg, with the same consciousness. No individuality here; it's all for the state, you know. And we will get the population down, too, one baby at a time.

It looks like a lump of coal in our stocking this Christmas. Have a Happy New Year, comrades!

CAL CROWE JR.
Florence