Conversation Piece

I thought this was too awesome not to share. From the R-G:

Sources of U.S. accomplishment

I am pretending that I am a person from another country who will do about anything to be able to live in the United States of America and become a citizen. I have studied the history of the U.S. and have learned of her greatness and progress despite things that at times were not done justly.

One thing that really stood out in my studies was that the U.S. accomplished its greatness under the influence of Christianity. If I ever get to the U.S. I am not going to try to change that influence. I will practice my religion and not make a wave and hang on for the ride.

One thing that influenced my conclusion that Christianity was a great positive influence in the progress and greatness of the U.S. is the acres and acres and acres and acres and acres and rows and rows and rows and rows and rows of crosses, and many Stars of David, in cemeteries in the U.S. and in several countries throughout the world.

Charles E. Sullivan Springfield

Mind blown?

Neither One of Us Is Chinese

If this were a just world, here's what would happen to a couple of letter to the editor writers:

They would be sleeping soundly in their homes after a stressful and trying day. Suddenly a large man wearing a blue outfit with a club and a gun would enter their room pointing and shouting in a foreign language while holding his hand on his gun. Almost immediately, this guy falls down to the ground. While getting up from the ground he continues shouting at them in a foreign language. As our letter to the editor friends start to sit up in bed, the man fires electrodes into their skin and shocks them with 50,000 volts of electricity.

In a just world this would happen to these people. Unfortunately, this is not a just world.

Another Letter That Won't Be Published

Did Robert Boyer (letters, Aug. 13) cite Social Security as a government program that has failed? I will admit there are many government programs that are little more than billion dollar boondoggles, the Star Wars missile fantasy comes to mind, but Social Security?

Here is a government program that has been operating successfully since in 1935. It has enabled most Americans to retire in their 60s, whereas before many people worked until the day they died. The biggest problem that Social Security is that it is so successful that Congress can’t resist borrowing its surpluses to pay for tax cuts and wars.

Projections show that Social Security will continue to take in more than it pays out for a couple of more decades. At that point, if Congress refuses to repay those IOUs to the American people, we may need to make adjustments to the program; the most obvious being to end the tax exemption for incomes over $106,800. There may indeed come a sad day when Social Security is “bankrupt” and this nation no longer has the resources to allow its senior citizens the honor of a few years without labor, but that day is a long way off.

Social Security is a shining example of what our government can achieve when we dedicate ourselves to the proposition that we are a society; when we acknowledge that we are all truly our grandmother’s keepers. We should hope that we can devise a health care system that works so well.

I Swear to G*d

Good times in the R-G mailbag this week.

On May 15th, the R-G ran a story about Jimmy Marr, a Springfield man having his personalize license plate recalled by the state because someone complained it had an anti-Semitic message. His license plate read "NO ZOG" a reference to the belief that the Zionist Occupation Government runs, not so much Israel, but the world, through their control of the banks, media, and most fast food franchises. His truck was spotted at a Phoenix, Oregon gathering of neo-Nazis*, and a Medford teacher complained, so the state recalled the plate.

“This got by us the first time and didn’t trigger any” controversy, DMV spokesman David House said. “But we got a complaint about it and discovered that it is an anti-Jewish message.”
...
House said a nine-member panel of state officials reviewed the matter and decided — after doing a bit of Internet research — to recall Marr’s plate.

They sent Marr a letter last week informing him of the ruling.

“It was a pretty easy call,” House said. “All you have to do is Google it to see what it means. And members of the targeted group know what it means.”

I read the article at the time, but didn't think much of it. Idiot has his plate recalled for being an asshole.

The first letter to the editor in support of Jimmy Marr was a classic. Not in the sense that it was great, but that it was a favorite argument of mine from way back. Some of you may know that I spent some time in grad school studying the Mother's Movement, a group of pro-fascist women opposed to US involvement in WWII. Most of the group was deeply anti-Semitic and I spent several Saturday afternoons in Portland reading obscure anti-Semitic newsletters. After the war, as the Birchers got rolling, it was easy for these women to transition into the anti-UN, anti-Israel movement. When accused of being anti-Semites, they often countered that since Palestinians were Semitic, they couldn't possibly be anti-Semitic, but it was, rather, Israel that was anti-Semitic what with their policy of killing Palestinians. Much like the blacks are racist because they voted for Obama thinking of today.

Justin Harris comes oh-so-close to making the "Jews are the real anti-Semites" argument, but since he seems to think Palestinians are Arab, he kind of fumbles it:

Anti-Zionism is not anti-Jewish

The “No Zog” license plate is not anti-Semitic or anti-Jewish; it is anti-Zionist (Register-Guard, May 15). The Zionists are a group, not the entire Jewish people.

Jimmy Marr obviously takes exception to the Zionist platform to remove all Arab Palestinians from all Israel territory, including the Gaza Strip and West Bank. He believes the continuous police state that the Palestinian people live under is equivalent to occupation. He is exercising his free speech. In Oregon we don’t call it bashing, we call it thinking.

Mark Pitcavage of the Anti-­Defamation League also confuses the issues by inferring that anyone who uses the acronym in support of the Palestinian people is of the extreme right, whereas it is the fundamental Zionist approach that all lands written of in the Bible belong to Israel; only that is an extreme right position. Thomas Aquinas famously said, “Beware the man of one book.”

Citing sources that disparage a free-Palestine supporter while also presuming the blamelessness of the Zionist movement (all Jewish persons are not all Zionists) is like the pot calling the kettle black.

Maybe the Anti-Defamation League is a hate group.

Using the term anti-Semitic in a bold headline, like terrorists and terrorism, becomes ineffectual when used in a deceptive manner. The tone of the article suggests that Marr is guilty of something criminal in the forum of public opinion. I believe the article borders on abuse of journalism’s standard of ethics.

Justin Harris

Springfield

It was good, but Justin and Jimmy must have not thought it went far enough, because today Jimmy hit the back pages with his own stirring defense of himself and the purity of his beliefs with this gem, which I am sure will be memorized and recited by school children all across this great land long after the ZOG is dead:

Who elected Google?

My “NO ZOG” license plates have been recalled (Register-Guard, May 15). I’d like my fellow Oregonians to help me figure out who is responsible for this. David House, spokesman for the state Driver and Motor Vehicle Services division, said, “It was a pretty easy call. All you have to do is Google it to see what it means.”

Who elected Google Corp. to define meaning for Oregonians? Do Oregonians lack the capacity for critical thinking? Do Oregonians need a multinational corporation to identify “hate” for them in their own backyards? Where and who is this omniscient oracle? Let’s follow the “yellow brick road” of money and see what Oz looks like when we peel back his curtain of anonymity.

Google Corp. is owned by investors in the New York Stock Exchange. Does the demographic composition of investors in the New York Stock Exchange mirror the demographic composition of taxpayers in Oregon? Or does it more nearly resemble the demographic composition of Zion?

If you answered yes to the last question, you have identified one aspect of the Zionist Occupation Government. By doing so, you have become a neo-Nazi, an anti-Semite, a white supremacist.

If you don’t believe me, Google it. That’s what your government does.

Jimmy Marr

Springfield

Now, I guess there is always the possibility that one can misread the written word, reading the wrong tones, miss the proper shading, whathaveyou, but I read the second sentence of that next-to-last paragraph sarcastically. Did you? I mean, I think Jimmy wants me to agree with him that investors in the New York Stock Exchange are Jewish Zionists and that, through their control of the Google, they have fixed it so that a Google search of the perfectly innocent acronym ZOG** reveals that it is some kind of anti-Semitic slur, rather than the good wholesome - American - decrying of Zionists controlling Palestine and/or the world. Once I have agreed with Jimmy that this is the most likely explanation, I am now outraged, shocked, and appalled that someone would imply that this obvious conclusion would lead someone to label me, me!, an anti-Semite, neo-Nazi, and/or a white supremacist. How dare they!

I guess it's possible that Jimmy is just straight up trying to recruit anti-Semites into the white supremacist movement. But, while that makes more sense, it is much less likely.

Anyway, next up will be the expected round of letters bemoaning the anti-Semitism that flourishes in our society. This is not necessarily a bad thing, but somewhere along the way someone will advocate that anti-anti-Semitism should be a mandatory course of study in the schools which will just give the Springfield Jimmys more ammo. I also look forward to George Beres' straight up anti-Semitism, which will no doubt include a rant about the Register Guard being anti-Palestinian because they published the anti-anti-Semitism letters.

Will the R-G go so far as to publish the Holocaust denial letter that someone is undoubtedly writing right now? Oh, the fun we'll have. And, yes, it appears that Jimmy Marr was a member of the Pacifica Forum, so we got that in there too.

All of which is, unfortunately, more mileage for Jimmy's asinine beliefs than a stupid obscure license plate could ever have gotten him. Thanks again, Register-Guard, for being a fine citizen of the community.


*The original newspaper article claimed this was a gathering of neo-Nazis, so the claim is suspect of course, but let me assure you that in my attempt to find a link to this article I came across many "white pride" sites and I did not see a-one disputing the "neo-Nazi" assertion.

**The ZOG seems to be slipping, as a Google seach for the term brings up, in order, 1. The wikipedia page linked above. 2. ZogSports - The NYC sports league for young professionals. 3. A neo-Nazi site. 4. Dr. Zog - an original, high energy, Austin, Texas band that combines Lousiana Zydeco, New Orleans funk, Texas Blues and Southern jamband grooves. 5. The Zionist dictionary which (finally) reveals that ZOG is an anti-Semitic slur.

I 8 U

No matter how many beers you drink, what good movie you watch, or how much snuggling you do with the wife the night before, when you wake up all your problems are still right there. I'm talking the big ones here: the economy, the weak-ass president we have, swine flu ummm...Nancy Pelosi knew about some aspect of the Bush torture regime but didn't do anything about it, like call for Congressional investigations which totally should never happen, but maybe she should face a Congressional investigation for not calling for one, am I right here people?

You wake up on Saturday and all the world's problems are still right there.

Then you read the letters section of the Register Guard, and some kind soul has taken the time to solve all of our problems. Read. Understand. And know that everything is going to be alright.

Look for a new economy

As soon as the tax and interest and unemployment rates all level off at 8 percent and lower, the economy embarks upon a long extended era of clear sailing such as no civilization on Earth has ever known.

History never predicted people would suddenly envision such an outcome.

Clear seas, clear sailing, a powerful economy quickly restarted and firmly under control. All the parts still in place and functioning. All the people striving together, fulfilling their potentials. The sounds of song and laughter spilling out beneath the nighttime skies.

An old economy grinds to a stop. The abstract details of a new economic era stretch before us, like the first turns highlighted on a GPS readout, outlining the beginning of the next leg of the journey.

Personally, I am keeping a watch to see the tax rate and interest and unemployment rates all come together at 8 percent and lower.

For me, that is the first sign of entering the new economy.

Nancy I. Campbell

Yoncalla

As my good buddy Lex might say, Boom!

Lower the tax rate from 36% to 8% (or lower!) and you are going to have some good times on your hands. No more government waste, no more bloated bureaucracy, no more, well anything from those fat cats in Washington.

The relatively high interest rates keep the poor people, who obviously don't know how to manage their money, from borrowing any to buy goods they don't really need, but also makes sure that those who do loan money - to the right sort - make a healthy profit. This encourages leading - smart lending - and big profits.

The relatively high unemployment rate means that people will work for the wages they deserve, not some over-inflated wage gained by the government manipulating the labor market by working for low unemployment. And once those government workers hit the pavement looking for honest work, wages are going to plummet to what are their natural, moonlight-dancing levels.

Oh happy day indeed!

He's Right, You Know

I thought this was all kinds of awesome. I love anyone who can't refer to St. Reagan without the ", the greatest president who ever lived," subclause. Once you get that, you know you're in for a ride.

Arm U.S. vessels against piracy

I thank God and the U.S. Navy that Richard Phillips, the captain of the Maersk Alabama, was rescued. The United States should have armed mercenaries on board any U.S. vessel designated as potential targets for pirates and arm them with weapons necessary to repel pirates before they can do any harm to our vessels.

But there will be sob-sisters like the ACLU who will be defending the rights of the pirates and stating we were using undue force to repel the pirates.

Also, there is Sen. John Kerry (who served in Vietnam, you know) who wants to hold Senate hearings on the pirate mess. What does he want to do, negotiate with the pirates? The worst thing we could do in this situation is to have the know-nothing Congress involved.

As Ronald Reagan, the greatest president in modern times, stated in part, “We will never negotiate with terrorists.” “But,” cry the whiners, “What if one of our own is killed?” Well, that may happen; it just may be the price we pay to put an end to all this piracy.

If other countries are unable to protect their own vessels, the United States must cease assuming the responsibility of policing the nations of the world.

If we must resort to predator drones bombing the sites harboring pirates when we are actively involved, so be it, and hang what the ACLU nations of the world say about us; they don’t respect us anyway, so why should we be concerned?

Dale R. Dickson

Eugene

Good Day, Sunshine

Anyone who has lived in Eugene for any length of time both loves and hates it. Friendly people, accepting of differences, beautiful to look at, not bad in the proverbial sack, if you know what I mean. It has it's draw backs, though. Not much to do, way too many hippies, doesn't call the next day even though it totally promised to. So some stay, some go, some come back (I am looking at you Wobs), but everyone has some soft spot in their heart for Eugene.

One small reason I will never leave Eugene is the local paper. Red Guard or Register Greed it has something for everyone. And on some special days, days like today, you get out of bed and you are rewarded with two, count 'em, two awesome editorials. These are the kind of editorials that have me making coffee, doing the dishes, and cleaning the kitchen immediately after I read them, just so I can rush to my computer and share them with you.

The first is by Charles Murray, he of the totally not-discredited The Bell Curve. I don't know Charles Murray in any way, but from now on, he will be a touchstone for me. Let's say one day I screw up so bad at the GTFF that my name becomes something of a laughingstock in the union world. I mean, not everyone knows the "Legend of Dave" level laughingstock, but more of the "you know who that guy is?" type laughingstock. Let's say that happens. How the hell would I get out of bed every goddamn day? How could I do it? I might just follow the example laid down by Charles Murray. I'd get out of that bed everyday and keep peddling the same brand of bullshit that got me put in the stocks in the first place, with a heavy dose of "you wait and see, in twenty years everyone will know I was right." I'll be able to keep that up until Ginger can go on PERS and then who will be laughing then?

This article turns out to be kind of old. One of the draw backs to the Red Greed is that they still get all their editorials by Pony Express, so we're a week behind the curve here. Still, this level of insane does not get old. If you haven't read it, please, please do. Especially if you fancy yourself a social scientist. There are going to be some major changes to your field coming and you'll want to get the inside scoop now. Especially if you are about to write a dissertation. Please, do not be planning on givng job talks and spewing the same bs about postmodernism, Marx, and/or Stalin. That shit won't fly any more. The future of social science? In one word? Aquinus. In two words? Nicomachean Ethics. That's right, the future is the past and that future/past is a little something that you and I call the Dark Ages.

I really, really, really want everyone to read the article. It is long, it is full, it is batshit. You won't You're busy people. Lord knows that if you are not watching every second of that basketball game then [insert team name here] will lose. Then you will be forced to question your whole way of life. [If that does happen, Heaven forbid, I am sure Charles Murray would support my recommendation that you look here as a good place to start rebuilding. ]

Just when my morning is off to a peak start, I see that there is an article about EFCA written by a local businessman. I was not looking forward to reading this here article, as it almost certainly was going to be a regurgitation of right-wing talking points, only without the professional polish a wingnut blogger brings to the table. Fortunatley, Don Tykeson takes a different approach.
Sentance 5:

Current laws already give unions significant advantages over employers in organizing campaigns.

I don't even know how to respond to such a charge. I feel like Scooby-Doo tilting his head when he hears Grandpa rip a loud one. Hmnh??Tykeson doesn't explicitly explain this statement, but if you read the article you can piece together the world view that would lead one to believe that unions have all the advantages.

Let's say you're the average business owner. You spend 70 to 80 hours a week trying to come up with ways to make the lives of your employees better, right? You've done all you can. Then along comes this union. They start talking to workers. Stirring up trouble, intimidating people. The next thing you know, your faced with some union election and you've only got 90 to 120 days 40 to 60 days to get some solid facts in your employees hands. Information that could impact their lives. As it is right now, only some employers have the time to get their employees these facts, only some can stave off the wolves. Card check would make that much worse.

By abolishing secret ballots, card check defies the principles U.S. labor laws were founded upon — that employees have the right to make decisions free of coercion from companies or unions.

In addition to safeguarding voter privacy and giving a voice to all workers, secret ballots give employers their only opportunity, typically a mere 40 to 60 days, to counter arguments of union organizers, who usually have been campaigning for months.

Despite the small window current labor laws give businesses to share their side of the story before a secret ballot vote, they often present enough facts to swing many employees against unionization.

See how hard it is for a businessman out there? Now that we can all agree card check would be a bad idea, let's take a moment to consider the horror that is binding arbitration.

Let's say you're a business owner and your employees have disastrously decided to form a union. You are still obligated to make sure that all of your employees are taken care of, right? That means that you can't just sign any contract the union puts on the table. No sir. You have to fight to make sure that you get a contract that is good for all your employees. And if, while you are negotiating that contract over the period of a couple of years or so, and some union leaders are fired for performance issues, and some employees petition for a decertification election, then, well, that's what the employees want. What can you as a businessman do but fight for what is best for all employees?

Now the government wants to get in the game. They will only allow you 120 days to delay, fire, and file for decertification try to do what is right for your employees until they impose a contract on your business. And what happens then? You might not be able to do everything you can to make your employees lives better:

The government could prevent the shop from installing safer, more efficient machines. They could determine who gets promoted, irrespective of merit. They could force the shop to fire anyone not paying union dues.

They could even prevent you from giving raises to your employees! What kind of world is this?

What union proponents fail to acknowledge is that the landscape has changed since the first labor laws were passed in the 1930s, when worker mistreatment was common. Today’s employers realize the advantages of fair pay and fair treatment, making heavily skewed pro-union laws less necessary.

I don't know about you all, but I am perfectly willing to have the EFCA debate - and it looks like we'll be having it for a couple more years - as an argument about current employment practices. If the people "vote" that their employer treats them great and they don't need a union, then great, we have already won. I have a feeling, though, that many people who read this article joined me in a heart chuckle and they have a little bit more of a positive opinion about EFCA than they did before they read it.

P.S. A bonus from the letters to the editor defending the AIG bonuses:

They were working stiffs, albeit rich stiffs, who were working under contract, for which they expected to be paid.

Market manipulators as "working stiffs" oh Lord.

Stale Talking Points - 50% Off

Just think, not to long ago what follows passed for insightful political commentary. Look how flat it falls now:

Socialism doesn’t work

I would like to correct Dave Forstrom’s assertion that “some socialist things work” (letters, March 24).

Socialism in every part of the world has always and will always fail. It takes away a person’s motivation to better themselves and others. It takes away personal responsibility and accountability. It forces people to rely on the government to provide many of the services that private industry can efficiently provide.

Not only that, but government fails at almost everything they do barring national security against foreign and domestic enemies. That’s all our founding fathers wanted out of government and that’s how America became the empire that she is. Forstrom provides a few examples of government programs and claims that they work. I beg to differ.

It has been reported that 30 to 50 cents of every dollar Medicare receives goes to waste. Social Security is going bankrupt, the post office is losing billions of dollars a year, Amtrak is bailed out year after year with taxpayer dollars, OLCC costs more to run than it earns, public schools are failing to educate and are controlled by teachers unions and it takes four public works employees to do the job of one.

All of the above can be run by private institutions more efficiently and more effectively.

Yes, government can provide services but, outside of a very few, limited areas, they just cannot compete against private companies. As the great Ronald Reagan once said, “Government is not the solution to our problem; government is our problem.”

Mike Hoselton

Eugene

I Don't Know About You All, But I'm Kind of Rooting for the Mexicans Here

I love the polarization of the political discourse int he US. We no longer all speak the same political language. If you live on the blogosphere you know what I am talking about. Wingnuts seem to live in some alterna-world where public employees are "wealthy elites" rather than people just getting by, Obama is a Marxist rather than a (disappointing) centrist Dem, and the economy is in the tank because Obama threatened to raise the marginal tax rate on the wealthiest 2% of the people by 3%.

One of my favoritest things of all is when someone is so clueless about where the other side is coming from that they end up passionately arguing a case that the other side agrees with entirely, only to end up with the exact opposite conclusion.

Frequent letter writer to the RG, Mike Horowitz, does just that today when he shows all the Wes Shirley's of this world are just a big bunch of hypocrites when it comes to the Israeli-Palestinian question.

Imagine border radicals

What if there were a radical group of Mexicans who felt that the United States wrongly took a bunch of its territory (a long time ago) and currently is hurting its country (and the rest of the world) with corporate greed and hyper-consumptive ways. These fictional Mexican citizens are also angry that the United States sucks the Mexico-­bound Colorado River dry. They blame our government and banking system for crippling their economy. Some just outright believe that those American devils are evil and shouldn’t exist.

Consequently, these made-up radicals in northern Mexico lob bombs now and then into Texas and Arizona. What should we do to these self-­proclaimed loyal, patriotic Mexican warriors? What if no soft or nonviolent intervention works against these vigilantes who hide among and behind peaceful civilians?

So, what if?

Hypocrisy is very toxic.

Mike Horowitz

Eugene

Obviously, Mike wants me to recoil in horror at the thought that some band of Mexicans would advance patently ridiculously arguments and back them with bombs, all the while being too cowardly to come out and be slaughtered by the US Army. When you bring it as close to home as Arizona and Texas, well then it really does open one's eyes.

Except (and I know, I know, you were here half-an-hour ago), that I kind of agree with all the beefs the hypothetical Mexicans have with our country. I might even go so far as to argue that the hypothetical US would be right to looking to give Arizona and Texas back to the Mexican government (if that was the demand), although maybe just withdrawing all settlement out of range of the bombs makes more sense. Maybe we shouldn't be diverting the Colorado into the Imperial Valley so that we have nice crops for the Mexicans to pick. Maybe our world economic system is not good for everyone in the world and it is resulting in bombs being lobbed at our citizens. All are things to consider. I would strongly urge my hypothetical government to consider and adopt these policies before I would urge my government to periodically slaughter innocent Mexican civilians in attempt to turn the Mexican populace against the banditos, as that seems like just about the worst idea in the world.

See, Mike, no hypocrisy at all.

Ummmmm....Spencerian

My usual mode of communication is heavy on the irony and deadpan sarcasm, so I understand if people cannot tell when I am being genuine. With that in mind, let me say that I thought this letter to the editor of the Register Guard kicked ass.

Imagine Will as a worker

There have been several letters to the editor lately chastising George Will for his column in which he seems to get his facts wrong (Register-Guard, Feb. 15).

Come on, give the guy a break.

Will is one of those who infest our political scene under the rather vague heading “pundit.” As such, he is not especially obligated to facts; it is his task to display an attitude, emphasize a position, register charges or reinforce a bias rather than do something so dreary as attempt to discuss facts.

After all, if Will were more concerned with reality than with his familiar and comfortable opinions, he would not be an exalted columnist and would have to find something else to do — maybe get a job?

I have tried to picture George Will toiling away at something useful: driving a school bus, playing a violin, distributing peanuts on a flight to Atlanta, ironing a shirt, etc.

Alas, I cannot.

J. Frank Thibeau

Eugene

Just when I have renewed faith in my fellow man, asshat Peter E. Loewy (welcome Peter, you self-Googling madrehumper!) takes us back the nineteenth-century and gives us a taste of some pure Social Darwinism.

Let the nonviable perish

Bank bailout, toxic mortgage rescue, stimulus package — they all have one thing in common. In a manner that is contrary to the observed laws of nature, they provide continued support for entities that would otherwise fail, succumb, die. Humanity, as bright as it sometimes shines, has not yet evolved to where it can successfully mess with Mother Nature, not even the anointed Barack Obama.

For whatever reason — be it empathy, compassion or an unwillingness to witness suffering — we are unable to let the nonviable expire, whether they be people, banks or car manufacturers. [ed: Holy frak!]

Rather than let the shaky, feeble, poorly designed and mismanaged tumble, crash and burn, at which point we can shove aside the debris to build anew with knowledge of what didn’t work before, intervention seems to be the preferred alternative.

Our interference with nature’s culling creates a growing body of patched, cobbled-together, inefficient and fragile entities. They teeter on the brink of failure and require ever more resources to support their steadily increasing numbers.

There will come a time in the near future when we no longer are able to bear the burden. Then, what was once a catastrophe of manageable proportions will have grown into a nightmarish monster of unbridled destruction. Nature — with her indiscriminate, irresistible force — will correct ruthlessly humanity’s errors.

Once unleashed, we will be powerless to stop it. And all because we refuse to let the nonviable perish.

I hope I’m wrong. Obviously, I think I’m right.

Peter E. Loewy

Eugene

It certainly is obvious that Peter thinks he is right. And Lord knows that if the economy does collapse, Pete will be right there telling us it was because we didn't have the moral will to kill the weak. Well, Pete, if that does happen you better hope to John Galt that someone shows up to take you to the secret mountain-top retreat, because my roving band of survivalists will have your name on our list of people that don't need to be consuming any more of our precious resources. Non-viable people indeed.

Let's Pray for No Injuries

Those who love me know two things about me, I love letters to the editor that babble on about how the modern college sports fan isn't nice enough to the other team and letters that find ways to blame the Bush administration everything, no matter how tenuous.

The first type of letter usually falls into the "back in my day" category, something like "back in my day, everyone was just there to have a good time. Why, if an opposing player lost the onion off his belt, the game would stop and the whole crowd would help find it before the game could resume." These stories were at least plausible when I was young and the author could theoretically be talking about sporting events in the 1920s. But then the 1936 Olympics changed everything. From then on out, sports have largely been about competition.

The second type of letter I love is usually from a lefty liberal sees connections between mundane life events and the larger world around them. Every freakin' minute is a teachable moment. These letters usually describe some every day situation, "I was riding my bicycle down the street and I ran into a pile of leaves in the bike lane. Forced to swerve, I almost fell," and then they make a sudden leap to larger forces at work. "I couldn't help but think that if the Bush administration didn't support Israel and the slaughtering of all those very innocent Gaza Strippers, then people wouldn't be so callous about where they put their leaves." That these people actually do make these connections is why I hate love and fear them.

Well, one of you all must have gone and told William A. McConochie about my twin letter-related loves, because this is what I found in today's Register Guard:

Poor sportsmanship brings loss

Are the Oregon Ducks suffering from bad karma? What goes around comes around.

For years Duck fans have blatantly booed and insulted visiting teams at Mac Court and Autzen Stadium. On Jan. 17, coach Ernie Kent was ejected from the basketball game against Washington State University for misbehavior. Our players fouled the Cougars repeatedly, giving them 28 free throw opportunities. The Cougars set records, making all 28 of them, for 28 free points. We lost the game by 12 points, 74 to 62.

If we hadn’t fouled and given away 28 points, the score would have been 46 to 62 and we’d have won. Do our university and community teach winning at any cost, even breaking the rules?

We’ve seen the effects of this policy in the George W. Bush administration. Human rights and human dignity are swatches from the same cloth. Let’s treat our athletic opponents with respect and dignity and see what happens. At 0 and 6 in Pac 10 men’s basket­ball, we have nothing to lose by trying a new approach.

William A. McConochie

Eugene

As Tom Cruise said to Timothy Hutton, "It's beautiful, man. Beautiful."

Tears of Our Fathers

In many parts of the US, there exist places where science is scorned and creation myths about apples, serpents, and benevolent Beings who think everything is "good" hold sway. In many of these townships, parents teach their children that the rain is really George Washington's tears and thunder is Thomas Jefferson farting. You and I know better. Rain is, of course, the result of global warming, and thunder is Father Nature burping after gorging himself on elderberries.

Letter-to-the-editor writer Richard Welch still believes in the tears of the Fathers. He is also an idiot. After ranting about a proposed gas tax increase, he winds up with sheer poetry.

King George would love what has happened to this country. To think of all the men, women and children who have died to come to America, where taxes were never to be like it is today.

Our forefathers must be crying in heaven.

Breathtaking

One of the best things about living Eugene is that you wake up to letters like this on the editorial page. First thing in the morning, it really gets the brain juices flowing.

Happy New Year, comrades

Another year has come and gone. Time for Christmas.

America has voted in a new president. We'll keep our guns, money, and religious freedom, thank you very much. You can keep the change!

Remember Sarah Palin in 2012? I think Santa Claus is broke this Christmas. All the money went to OPEC. And now, we will be fighting just one war. So instead of our brave soldiers dying in two countries, they will just be dying in one - Afghanistan.

President-elect Barack Obama promises to get Osama bin Laden, so he is going to send troops into Pakistan. Gee, didn't some complain about President Bush doing that in Iraq? Besides, I thought we were fighting the same enemy: Muslim extremists who hate us.

I hope we're happy in our new socialist state where there's no room for Jesus. We will be like the Borg, with the same consciousness. No individuality here; it's all for the state, you know. And we will get the population down, too, one baby at a time.

It looks like a lump of coal in our stocking this Christmas. Have a Happy New Year, comrades!

CAL CROWE JR.
Florence