Those Last Four May Have Been Bad Ideas

I had so much fun at the union conference last night, that 4 am found me giving a little back.

It might be a sign of how much my dieting has screwed with my head that in the midst of making a deposit, I could look on the bright side of how many calories I was saving.

Dinner or a Bus Ride?

Got an e-mail from Obama's people offering me the chance to win dinner with Obama and four other Obama-dorks if I donate any sum of money in the next few days.

Got an offer from Johnny McCain offering a ride on the Straight Talk Express (which is in desperate need of a hyphen, no?) if I donate $50 within the next couple of days.

Waiting for the chance to have coffee with Hillary for $100.

Also, I am dismayed to see that the McCain camp is using my favorite font...copperplate gothic bold.

120 Grit

Campaign Finance Reform?

I got an e-mail from the Obama campaign that states that Obama has received donations from over 1 million different contributers, and that 94% of those people gave less than $200.

Can I offer this as counter-evidence to all those people I've argued with about campaign finance reform? Evidence that people will give money to candidates that inspire them. Evidence that you can build a campaign on small donations from many people.

Does anyone want to take on the role of Sam and Sally Third-party supporter and tell me why Obama's success couldn't be replicated by a third-party candidate who inspired people to donate?

Speaking of which, apparently a member came into use the GTFF photocopier to print up some anti-Obama propaganda before his rally here in Eugene. Of course attacking him from the left. What is it exactly the Socialists hope to accomplish here? Do they imagine that people waiting in line to hear Obama will read their propaganda attacking him for being a mainstream Dem and flock to the local Socialist Party headquarters (which I assume is located in the Survival Center)?

Big Tent Event

Subaru has an ad out for their "big tent event" that involves a car salesman in a gorilla suit with a monkey being told by a co-worker that it is not "that kind of tent" and then pointing to a small campfire scene as an example of the type of tent meant by "big tent event." I have long wondered just what the hell kind "tent" is represented by the guy in the gorilla suit. This question has been asked on the net by a few people and there seem to be three different answers.

a). The joke lies in the fact the gorilla suit guy thinks "big tent event" means a circus theme. People seem to be certain that this is what the commercial obviously means. Believing this, however, requires that one forget that a circus happens under a "big top," not "big tent" and that "gorilla" does not exactly scream "circus."

b). The commercial is making fun of car dealerships that need to have a guy dressed up in a gorilla suit to get attention. Subaru is, allegedly, not that kind of car company. This explanation seems to completely miss that the punchline is "it's not that kind of tent."

c). The commercial is absurdist humor wherein the gorilla suit has nothing to do with the word tent, thus the "humor." This explanation has the defect of not making sense.

I lean toward "a," but still think it makes no sense.

You all?

I Don't Know What This Means, But Felt It Need to Be Said

Of course, it is possible to reject a dichotomy while still accepting one of the choices offered within the dichotomy. One of the more classic examples of this tactic is presented by the Beastie Boys in their song Paul Revere. In the song, Ad-Rock represents himself as an outlaw in the desert who, while looking for a girl, runs into MCA in the guise of another outlaw. Through the course of events, MCA presents Ad-Rock with the dichotomous choice of either riding with him, or, alternately, being blown away. At first glance, it may appear that Ad-Rock accepts the dichotomy as proposed by MCA, but a further analysis reveals that Ad-Rock rejects the dichotomy, while still accepting one of the choices presented by MCA. Ad-Rock tells him:

I'll ride with you,
If you can get me to the border.

Although Ad-Rock has chosen to accompany MCA, he, obviously, rejects that his only other choice is being blown away, as he conditions acceptance of MCA's offer on MCA's ability to deliver Ad-Rock at an unspecified border. In doing this, Ad-Rock is suggesting a third, unnamed, alternative to MCA's dichotomous proposal.¹ That the third alternative goes unspoken and unexplored does not mean that it doesn't exist.

This example illustrates the need to look beyond the outcome to determine whether a someone truly accepted the premises of a dichotomous choice. If presented with a choice between 'A' and 'B,' it does not follow that the acceptance of 'A' means the acceptance of the choice.

¹It is possible to argue that Ad-Rock did not really suggesting a third-way alternative to MCA's dichotomy, as his next lines:

The sheriff's after me
For what I did to his daughter
I did it like this
I did it like that
I did it with a wiffleball bat would seem to suggest that Ad-Rock's only alternative to riding with MCA was death at the hands of the sheriff. But, I think that it is necessary to conclude that King Ad-Rock is jesting at his reason for needing to get to the border, as evidenced by his use of the clearly anachronistic reference to a "wiffleball bat." Wiffleball was not invented until 1953, clearly after the setting of this song. Again, granted, it is possible that Ad-Rock had possibly engaged in some sort of relations with the sheriff's daughter with a real baseball bat^*, I think that the use of the anachronism is meant to indicate to the listener that Ad-Rock is not really on the run from the sheriff and is rejecting MCA's dichotomy and accepting for his own, unspoken, third reason. This assertion is bolstered by the fact that Ad-Rock quickly thereafter names a place not six hour's ride away where he is confident that they will be able to find refreshment.

^*It is possible that Ad-Rock substitutes in "wiffleball bat" for a real bat because he and the sheriff's daughter had been engaged in the pastime known as the "Louiville Slugger," but was afraid that MCA would not approve of this deviant sexual practice and would be inclined to turn him over to the sheriff himself. However, given that the two outlaws quickly form a partnership with a heretofore unknown third outlaw and rob a saloon, it is unlike that Ad-Rock would suspect that MCA would turn him over to the sheriff.

NCAA MBB III

CBS has just decided that I do not want to see the last 43.5 seconds of the Purdue-Xavier tilt that I have been watching in favor of the minutes 15-14mof the Kansas-UNLV game.

Now we're back to Purdue-Xavier. But not in HD.

Want, But Not Need

I very much want one of these. E-Bay has several on offer, but some are clearly bogus. Does that matter?

I could just get one of these, but I like the HOPE one.

NCAA MBB II

From what I can tell, the refs are doing just about everything they can to hand this game to K-State.

Update: With that third foul on Gibson, I am now calling for an official inquiry into match fixing. Every rebound K-State is pushing off. Every drive by K-State starts with a travel. Gibson is hacked every time he is near the hoop, it's called about 25% of the time.

dr., I know you want to whine about Beasley. The entire first half has been the longest make-up (non) call in the history of the sport.

Half-time assessment: Definitely fixed.

End-of-game: Have not seen a match so obviously fixed since the last time I watched Italian soccer. I imagine that it went something like this:

CBS: We're going to sell Beasley as the greatest thing since bubbles in cola, so K-State can't lose in the first round. We're going to need you to fix the game.

NCAA: Well, it can't be obvious.

CBS: How 'bout this? Call a couple of fouls on Beasley early. We can still talk about how awesome he is without him screwing it up by underperforming. But then you call fouls on USC left and right. They don't have a deep bench. This way when Beasley comes back in, there will be no one left to defend him. And ignore every other foul committed by K-State. And ignore the traveling.

NCAA: What do we get in return?

CBS: We promise to keep not mentioning in any way the destruction of higher education in this country and how athletic departments have basically taken over many campuses. We'll also stay mum about the fact that only about 50% of these guys are going to actually graduate. Or the fac that their chances are much lower if they're black. Or that these games are happening during finals week, making a mockery of the notion that these men are students first, athletes second.

NCAA: Deal.

Do the Right Thing

Brilliant. By Chris Britt at the Springfield (Illinois) Journal-Register.

I made the mistake of wading into the comments section of the Hullabaloo post about Obama's speech. I haven't really followed the controversy over the Rev. Wright comments. What I've heard of them, I haven't heard anything that I'd disagree with or that I hadn't heard already. But reading the comments at Hullabaloo, it quickly became apparent that either not every Democrat is familiar with this brand of black anger or Clintonites are perfectly willing to pretend that racism doesn't exist in this country and Obama is not fit to be president because he, apparently, is not ready to denounce evil the moment he hears it.

There were a couple of people who advanced the notion that because Obama had a white grandmother (or as it was put, is "half white"), he could have chosen his race, he chose to be black, and therefore he made his race an issue by "choosing" to be black. I don't think the people advancing these arguments are racists necessarily, but, rather, they had somehow never quite understood that white society doesn't really let brown-skinned people choose to be white.

Also, I have found it interesting that Wright is accused of "racism." This accusation goes unchallenged. Not sure if that's because it is so ridiculous or because people really do accept that a black man that expresses a dislike of white America is a "racist." As if racism has nothing to do with power. I think this is the case. I know when I was TAing, it seemed that the kids called all prejudice "racism." One could be racist against blacks, gays, and oatmeal cookies.

Anyway, I liked the cartoon. I wish that all Democrats, liberals, progressives, and radicals, whether supporting Obama or not, would join in and help educate all these people that seem to think what Wright said is anything other than the justified anger that many blacks feel every now and again.

NCAA MBB I

I'm watching the Kansas-Portland State game. A #1 seed v. #16 seed. With 18:30 left to go in the second, Kansas is up by 22...51-29...one of the announcers says "Portland State needs to start hitting their threes if they are going to win this game." I hate to be a stickler (no I don't), but Portland State needs to hit their threes and experience some sort of miracle that prevents Kansas from scoring again for the rest of the game. In fact, Portland State should forget about the threes and concentrate on securing that miracle.

Go Sox!

I love a baseball team that threatens to boycott (wildcat strike) in the interest of fairness and justice. The Red Sox players are receiving a $40K bonus to play an exhibition series against Oakland in Tokyo. When the players found out the coaches and other personnel would not be getting an extra stipend, they threatened to refuse to play.

I am a very minor and inconsequential member of the baseball fan fraternity that is devoted to believing that through rigorous statistical analysis, the true worth of a baseball player can be measured. Part of this belief is the notion that things like "heart" and "team chemistry" don't really matter. A guy is not going to hit a ball because he really, really wants to. A pitcher is not going to be able his bend his curve ball any more or less depending on whether he really likes the guys in the bullpen or not. Unfortunately, baseball is dominated by men who don't agree with scientific analysis, choosing, instead, to treat baseball more like a religion, where intangibles such as grit, clutchitude, and hustle matter more than a guy's WARP, VORP, or any stat described here.

Which brings me to the thought that, while I join in the mocking of baseball managers that talk about how there's great chemistry on the team, so the team is bound to win more, I bet that the players on the Red Sox, while not destined to win any more games than their talents will allow for, will have a happier season and lives and be much better for it than they would be should they win a few more ball games. In other words, team chemistry does matter, but in life, not baseball.

Bracketology (Oy Edition)

I just filled out what may be the worst bracket in the history of bracketology. I ended up with all four #1 seeds advancing. Never happened before, but why not this year? I really, really wanted to pick Clemson over Kansas, but all the experts seem to have Kansas winning this thing, plus every freakin' year I underestimate Kansas and get Rock, Chalk, Jayhawked out of whatever pool I am in.

I have a feeling that my only consolation this year will be last year's fluke stellar performance and the fact that I have actually been too busy working (if you count getting drunk on St. Patrick's Day and tonight as work, which I do) to put much effort into it this year.

Ouch!

I have been having muscle problems in my back, shoulder, and neck, so I went in for some physical therapy today. Shockingly, sitting in a thinly padded chair at a 45 degree angle to the keyboard and mouse is bad for me. As is sleeping with my arm under my head. So the therapist did some very hurty "massaging" of my neckal area and now I am trying to sit up straight in my chair. My back hurts, my neck hurts, and my shoulder is starting to hurt. Plus my jeans are riding up in the crotchal area, so my wedding vegetables are starting to hurt as well.

Today, does, however, mark one week until my DC trip.

All-in-all, another great day.

Bill Is Sure to Get That Raise Now!

Do Employers Screen for Carbon Monoxide?

Hate/Love

There are some hippies driving a hippie bus down 13th all morning "blasting" a very tinny version of "Louie Louie." I suppose I am being "freaked out." I know am being annoyed.

For the Athiests Out There

You want proof there is a God? How 'bout this? Let's say you're a graduate employee union that is having some difficulty in bargaining. Looks like your headed for a strike. You'd immediately start thinking of ways you could put pressure on your university to force them settle without you having to strike right? You'd need to find a way to make a big deal out of your strike, disrupt some major event, embarrass the university. Could you be luckier than having your university hosting the 2008 US Olympic Trials? Maybe only if that university happened to pick "the whole world is watching" as the slogan for the trials. The demonstration script practically writes itself.

You see, there is a God and apparently She is pro-GTFF.

Hayward Field, site of the games, has one main, easily blockable, entrance. Moreover, the wind tends to come out of the west or north in Eugene. Hayward runs north to south, with the main entrance on the north side, meaning any tear gas used would blow into the track. The first event is on Friday, June 27th at 10 am. Do we throw up a 100 person "informational picket" at 9:30 am that Friday or do we wait until NBC goes live with prime time coverage at 5 pm on Saturday? Oh, the debates we'll have about that one!

No One Takes Him Seriously Anyway

I read today that General Petraeus said that political progress is not being made fast enough in Iraq. Quoting him, "no one...feels that there has been sufficient progress in the area of national reconciliation."

General Petraeus, meet Charles Krauthammer.

EW Letter of the Week

One of the things I love about Eugene is that there are many times when you cannot tell if a letter writer is being sarcastic or not. They say things so crazy, you have to believe that they are joking, but then the rest of the letter is straight out of the GOP playbook. Of course the same is true of the left.

Today's letter is responding to a letter from noted green anarchist John Zerzan that I published a month or so ago. I have to believe that this letter is mocking Zerzan, but I can't shake the feeling that it's not. In that case then, yes, John should write a treatise that explains to New Yorkers how they can live pre-industrial and be as happy in clams in mud. You know, because that's what they'll eventually live in themselves.

Sarcasm or homage? You decide.

NO INDUSTRIAL SOLUTIONS

I'd like to thank John Zerzan (1/31) for his input regarding a light rail system and how any industrial solution is not good for Eugene. In the coming months I encourage John to host a symposium demonstrating how he has converted his home to harness wind and solar power, his gray water and rain collection system as well as his ability to grow all his food and harvest all of life's essentials from the natural environment.

I hope the symposium will include information on how to be a profitable writer without using a computer and how these ideas can be implemented in cities such as Oakland, Detroit, Cleveland, Philadelphia and New York City. Keep up the good work, and thank you for your input.

Peter Griffin, Eugene

You Can Clean It, Too

Tubes, Clogged

And good. The GTFF is experiencing technical difficulties of an internet-related nature. I can receive (some) e-mails. I can send e-mails to gtff.net addresses, although they don't necessarily arrive. I cannot get to the internet, except the GTFF webpage, but I can't use the mail server on the webpage. Both Julian and Qwest agree that the situation that currently exists in the GTFF office "can't" exist.

All of which is to say that, while I have a lot to be said (and many Seasonvilles to post), it will have to wait until I have some free time at home. Or the Comcast guy gets to the office and we're back up and running.

What's Green and Red and White and Blue?

A bad Republican come-on for a St. Patrick's Day donation, of course!

I was wondering what was more unlikely than an Irish Catholic Republican when I read this:

Embroidered with the official logo of the RNC, Paddy is a wonderful plush toy and makes a perfect gift for St. Patrick's Day. Or give Paddy to the "Green" Republican in your life who is dedicated to improving the environment.

Alrighty, a Republican concerned about the environment is probably more unlikely than an Irish Catholic Republican, but really how many of these do they expect to sell?

They Call Him "Three Finger Russ"

It's Not Fraud, It's a Stupidity Test. You Failed.

I heard a report on OPB that Oregonians lost some $400,000 last year falling for the Nigerian businessman scam on the internets. That's a lot of stupid scratch floating around out there.

EW Letter of the Week

This week's letter is not especially riveting or quintessential, but it comes from GTFF Steward Sean Bemis and that's good enough. Plus, it gives me a chance to use my Butthead voice and say "Shut up, Bemis."

HAPHAZARD REVIEW

In regards to the "review" of The Gourds in the Feb. 14 issue of EW: Wow, I'm impressed that the author of this review can get away with spending much of the article discussing how little effort she put into researching the subject of the article. She discusses the lack of an up-to-date MySpace page, which I find intriguing, since I happen to be a MySpace "friend" of the band. Maybe you should have tried clicking on one or two of the other dozen or so MySpace profiles with the display name of "The Gourds." To save you some time, here's their profile address: www.myspace.com/thegourdstx Strangely enough, this one has listed the show they played in Eugene on Feb. 16! And songs from their new album!

I'm making this point because I am routinely disappointed in the lack of interest EW appears to display towards roots and Americana music. Another example that comes to mind is from a year or so ago in a disrespectful review of an amazing Portland old-timey band — Foghorn String Band. I can understand if the reviewer doesn't like the music, but in this case, they began the article by saying something along the lines of "I don't usually listen to country music." Such a comment is totally irrelevant and displays general ignorance of the various genres of roots music. And one really doesn't need to know much or research much to learn the difference between modern country music and old-timey string band music. The author then made it worse by justifying his ability to write the review with something like "but I have friends that listen to country."

Another reason I highlight these two examples is that the shows that these two reviews directed their readers to were two of the best shows I've seen in my four years living in Eugene.

Sean Bemis, Eugene

Spam Message Line

GLobal potence ensurer!

I like the thought that this e-mail is directed at the small slice of men who worry that their spunk might not be up to snuff should they leave the divinely-ordained borders of their home country. I mean, it's one thing to wonder if you could score with chicks all over this great big world, it's another thing entirely to wonder if you could impregnate them.

But What Does Sugar Tits Think About It?

I saw an ad in the Emerald for www.standupgirl.com which has a picture of a pissed off feminist looking woman calling a time out. The site is sponsored by the Knights of Columbus, which intrigued me, as I do not associate the Knights with feminism.

I looked it up. Not terribly surprisingly, it is an anti-abortion site. This discovery would have gone largely unremarked, except for the fact that down at the bottom of the site, we have a nice endorsement from Mel Gibson. Nice to see Mel is still getting work.

Modern Day Leader of the Band

I don't say this often enough:

I love the Simpsons.



I am drunk.



I apologize.



I'll stop now.

Fuck. And. You

I was listening to some NPR story about why people who consider themselves environmentalists don't use CFL lightbulbs.

Cocksucker #1: I would, but they can't be dimmed.

Me(yelling in my car): Fuck you. Yes, heaven forbid saving the planet should cause you some minor inconfuckingvience. Oh, if you can't control the exact level of light in your house, I guess there's no point in anybody fucking living on this planet at all.

Cocksucker #2: The light is just so harsh, so blue. I need to be surrounded by soft light.

Me(yelling in my car): Oh thank God princess here wasn't born before the invention of the incandescent bulb, she would have had to fucking kill herself for the lighting.

Here's the thing. If you can't envision sacrificing something as petty as control over the lighting in which you live, give up on being an "environmentalist." Fuck, give up on living 20 years from now, because some shit is coming down and you are going to have to give up a whole lot more than that.

Even I Think This Is Wrong

Facebook
Top Books in the Eugene, OR network.
1. Harry Potter
2. The Bible
3. Lord Of The Rings
4. The Da Vinci Code
5. Catcher In The Rye

Not That Kind of Self-Love

I have a friend who has her blog set up so that if you click on any link in her blog roll, the url in the address window stays her blog's address. Even if you click on a link in someone else's blog. So, if I visit this friends blog, then go surfing from there, the url at the top is always hers. And, if I should read something interesting, I cannot link to that page, because the url in the window at the top always says http://www.c-------s----.org.

Now my question is, is this much self-love healthy or not?

Frustation Donation

Sometimes I get frustrated enough I just want to say, "Fine, cut all the fucking trees down, will that make you happy?" You know that frustration? Instead, I send some money to these guys. They seem to be doing good work.

Because That Worked Out So Well Last Time

In my in-box this morning, forwarded from the UO Concerned Faculty listserv:

Dr. P-,

I'm writing on behalf of the Worker Rights Consortium (WRC), an anti-sweatshop monitoring organization that conducts investigations at factories around the world. Our goal is to combat sweatshop abuses, by publishing factory reports and aiding workers in their efforts to defend their workplace rights. We focus primarily on the rights of workers who produce collegiate apparel, helping schools to enforce labor rights standards that they impose on companies who produce their logo merchandise.

Agatha Schmaedick, a University of Oregon alum and former WRC staff member suggested that I contact you. I’m going to be visiting the University of Oregon this week on Wednesday, March 5 and Thursday, March 6, in an effort to generate interest and educate students about this issue. Would it be possible for me to speak with any of your classes about the issues that the WRC works on? I apologize for the short notice, and understand if this is not a possibility.

If you can suggest other professors, students, or student groups that I should be in touch with about my visit, please feel free to pass along their contact information and I can be in contact with them directly.

Best,

Theresa

Outreach Associate

Worker Rights Consortium

Now That's Snackin'!

Step 1: Organize a bowl of your finest grievances.

Step 2: Make pour and consume a Tanqueray martini.

Step 3: Repeat Step 2.

Step 4: Take a Snyders of Hanover pretzel rod, dip it into a jar of Sierra Nevada Stone Ground Stout mustard, then wrap that rod with some prosciutto di parma.

Step 5: Consume.

Step 6: Repeat Step 5 as necessary.