That HBO Latino is broadcasting Maradona, la mano di Dio right now makes me desperately wish I had taken Spanish instead of French.
Looks like it's you and me, again, Jason Bourne.
Showing posts with label movies. Show all posts
Showing posts with label movies. Show all posts
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Now He Plays Birthday Parties
So I was watching the end of Ransom last night while waiting for Silence of the Lambs to start and I saw the most random thing.
For those that don't remember, Ransom is a middling Mel Gibson vehicle in the Gibsonian "morally-questionable man is wronged, then heroically gets his revenge"oeuvre. The safe man's Payback, if you will. In this one, Ransom's kid is kidnapped and the bad guys ask Ransom to pay them $1 million dollars. Ransom ain't going to pay it, though. Screw that. He offers a $2 million reward for anyone who turns the kidnappers in. Boom! Ransom is the man!
As you may imagine, any kidnapping film worth its salt is going to feature some hot blindfolded kidnapped kid in a dark room with loud music playing action. Ransom does not fail to deliver. We not only get that, but we get several scenes where the skirt in the kidnapping game has qualms about the abuse of the kid. Dames.
As I was saying, Ransom was alright, but I guess it had pretensions. It was directed by Ron Howard and had a pretty good line-up with Gibson, if you go in for that sort of thing, Rene Russo, Gary Sinise, Lil Taylor, and Liev Schreiber. Top notch cast, no doubts there. It was well-made and everything, it just wasn't that compelling. I guess I was supposed to be rooting for the corrupt, mega-wealthy buisness owner who has to deal with a bunch of bureaucrats while he goes about single-handedly rescuing his kidnapped son. Ho-hum. Dude, I've lived, don't need to watch it. That was pretty much the reaction of America as a whole.
Anyway, the film was striving to be someting more, so it shouldn't have been too much of a suprise to glance over as the credits were rolling just in time to catch this:
For those that don't remember, Ransom is a middling Mel Gibson vehicle in the Gibsonian "morally-questionable man is wronged, then heroically gets his revenge"oeuvre. The safe man's Payback, if you will. In this one, Ransom's kid is kidnapped and the bad guys ask Ransom to pay them $1 million dollars. Ransom ain't going to pay it, though. Screw that. He offers a $2 million reward for anyone who turns the kidnappers in. Boom! Ransom is the man!
As you may imagine, any kidnapping film worth its salt is going to feature some hot blindfolded kidnapped kid in a dark room with loud music playing action. Ransom does not fail to deliver. We not only get that, but we get several scenes where the skirt in the kidnapping game has qualms about the abuse of the kid. Dames.
As I was saying, Ransom was alright, but I guess it had pretensions. It was directed by Ron Howard and had a pretty good line-up with Gibson, if you go in for that sort of thing, Rene Russo, Gary Sinise, Lil Taylor, and Liev Schreiber. Top notch cast, no doubts there. It was well-made and everything, it just wasn't that compelling. I guess I was supposed to be rooting for the corrupt, mega-wealthy buisness owner who has to deal with a bunch of bureaucrats while he goes about single-handedly rescuing his kidnapped son. Ho-hum. Dude, I've lived, don't need to watch it. That was pretty much the reaction of America as a whole.
Anyway, the film was striving to be someting more, so it shouldn't have been too much of a suprise to glance over as the credits were rolling just in time to catch this:
Kidnapper's Boombox Music
written, performed, and produced by:
BILLY CORGAN
written, performed, and produced by:
BILLY CORGAN
but it was.
Monday, February 23, 2009
My Childhood Tragically Coincided with the Childhood of the Carter Years
From my favoritest blog in the world, Big Hollywood:
Slumdog Millionaire
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
The Reader
Frost/Nixon
Milk
The last three certainly qualify as Communist propaganda of the worst sort.
Why, oh why, can't Hollywood make a nice film about a family that goes to church, prays together, respects the government (except the IRS, public employees of all stripes, FEMA, the DHS, child protective services, HUD, Department of Transportation, the State Department, the CIA (when Democrats are in the White House or its positions are at odds with the right-wing) and the Department of Education), and goes to the Hometown Buffet on Sunday nights for dinner? Where's that film?
One of the most unfortunate events that deterred a healthy development of a motion picture industry is that its childhood tragically coincided with the childhood of Communism. The Soviet era of Communism was the first totalitarian regime that recognized the power of a moving image and used it fully to align masses with its party line. Not unlike the liberal-Democrat film and media machine that so disgracefully uses it today and by far exceeds the standards of tasteless social realism initiated by their Soviet forefathers.And then, there's the list of films up for Best Picture this year:
Slumdog Millionaire
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
The Reader
Frost/Nixon
Milk
The last three certainly qualify as Communist propaganda of the worst sort.
Why, oh why, can't Hollywood make a nice film about a family that goes to church, prays together, respects the government (except the IRS, public employees of all stripes, FEMA, the DHS, child protective services, HUD, Department of Transportation, the State Department, the CIA (when Democrats are in the White House or its positions are at odds with the right-wing) and the Department of Education), and goes to the Hometown Buffet on Sunday nights for dinner? Where's that film?
Thursday, January 29, 2009
My Problem with The Wrestler
*** Spoilers below ***
Two people whose cultural opinions I respect and fear (thus my constant need to label them hipsters), love The Wrestler. Well, one of them has seen it and loves it, one of them loves it in advance. I've seen it and, well, I'm not in love. It was a fine film, but I can't get away from the fact that I found it pretty meaningless. I realize that it is supposed to be a little character study, not a blow-you-away type film, but for me it fails because the character it studies is implausible and completely unreal.
In the opening of the film, we are lead to believe that Randy "The Ram" Robinson was a top wrestling superstar from the early to mid 1980s. He's a Hulk Hogan, Randy "the Macho Man" Savage, Andre the Giant, Arn Anderson, or Rick Flair type. A face. A draw. No problem there.
The film, however, sets him up as a "down and out" type. He's living in a trailer in NJ, unable to pay his rent. He can't pay for his 'roids. He performs in front of twenty people. He's a grinder. He's got nothing else in his life, except wrestling, it's all he knows. What happened to the fame and fortune? Why is he, for instance, driving an old van, instead of, say, a 1985 Cadillac El Dorado? He must have made some bank back in the day. Did he blow it on coke and hookers? He doesn't seem to have a coke problem. He still drinks the odd brew now-and-again. What happened to it all? Why is there absolutely no indication that this guy once had it all, but lost it? Is it really possible for a man who had it all to end up a grinder? Maybe a guy who never quite had it could be a old grinder, but not someone who was the king.
The other thing is, he's a super nice guy. This is necessary to make the audience care about him, but it seems like everyone likes him. All his fellow wrestlers like him. The promoters still seem to like him. The fans like him and he treats them great. Why does this guy not have a real job in wrestling? Lord knows, Hogan and Flair stretched it out why past the point of plausibility. Why was he not given something behind the scenes? Maybe he pissed of Vince McMahon.
But he's totally alone in the world. Why? Both kids and strippers seem to enjoy his company. He can score skanks in a bar whenever he likes. In one glorious day he can get his daughter forgive him for years of neglect (he wasn't setting her up with some bread when he was big time?). Heck, he even shows some personality behind a deli counter. He's a great guy. Like I say, his fellow wrestlers seem to like and respect him. He can't grab a beer with them? Regale them with stories of the old days? Seems like that would happen. Nobody else from the old days is around to talk with? The movie gives absolutely reason this guy should be alone. He seems to crave human company, he's a great guy, but totally, implausibly, alone.
The dilemma that Randy the Ram faced seemed wildly implausible to me, so his solution to his problems seemed bizarre as well. If the message of the film was that society used these people for their bodies and entertainment (I'm counting Cassidy in here) and then casts them aside when it is done with them, what am I to make of the Ram's willful choice to throw aside all other options? Am I supposed to find some kind of beauty in his willful embrace of the notion that he is nothing more than a piece of meat? If so, then why the fuck was I lead through two hours of rooting for this guy to connect with somebody? Was I really supposed to be sitting there rooting for Randy to fail at making a connection with his daughter, fail at winning Cassidy, fail at crafting a life for himself outside of wrestling, all so he could wrestle one last time? That's bullshit because that's not what Randy the Ram, a guy I really like, wanted. The whole movie was about him making a last stab at making a human connection (even though they seemed to be all around him just waiting to be made), he made it, and he threw it all away for reasons I can't fathom.
Two people whose cultural opinions I respect and fear (thus my constant need to label them hipsters), love The Wrestler. Well, one of them has seen it and loves it, one of them loves it in advance. I've seen it and, well, I'm not in love. It was a fine film, but I can't get away from the fact that I found it pretty meaningless. I realize that it is supposed to be a little character study, not a blow-you-away type film, but for me it fails because the character it studies is implausible and completely unreal.
In the opening of the film, we are lead to believe that Randy "The Ram" Robinson was a top wrestling superstar from the early to mid 1980s. He's a Hulk Hogan, Randy "the Macho Man" Savage, Andre the Giant, Arn Anderson, or Rick Flair type. A face. A draw. No problem there.
The film, however, sets him up as a "down and out" type. He's living in a trailer in NJ, unable to pay his rent. He can't pay for his 'roids. He performs in front of twenty people. He's a grinder. He's got nothing else in his life, except wrestling, it's all he knows. What happened to the fame and fortune? Why is he, for instance, driving an old van, instead of, say, a 1985 Cadillac El Dorado? He must have made some bank back in the day. Did he blow it on coke and hookers? He doesn't seem to have a coke problem. He still drinks the odd brew now-and-again. What happened to it all? Why is there absolutely no indication that this guy once had it all, but lost it? Is it really possible for a man who had it all to end up a grinder? Maybe a guy who never quite had it could be a old grinder, but not someone who was the king.
The other thing is, he's a super nice guy. This is necessary to make the audience care about him, but it seems like everyone likes him. All his fellow wrestlers like him. The promoters still seem to like him. The fans like him and he treats them great. Why does this guy not have a real job in wrestling? Lord knows, Hogan and Flair stretched it out why past the point of plausibility. Why was he not given something behind the scenes? Maybe he pissed of Vince McMahon.
But he's totally alone in the world. Why? Both kids and strippers seem to enjoy his company. He can score skanks in a bar whenever he likes. In one glorious day he can get his daughter forgive him for years of neglect (he wasn't setting her up with some bread when he was big time?). Heck, he even shows some personality behind a deli counter. He's a great guy. Like I say, his fellow wrestlers seem to like and respect him. He can't grab a beer with them? Regale them with stories of the old days? Seems like that would happen. Nobody else from the old days is around to talk with? The movie gives absolutely reason this guy should be alone. He seems to crave human company, he's a great guy, but totally, implausibly, alone.
The dilemma that Randy the Ram faced seemed wildly implausible to me, so his solution to his problems seemed bizarre as well. If the message of the film was that society used these people for their bodies and entertainment (I'm counting Cassidy in here) and then casts them aside when it is done with them, what am I to make of the Ram's willful choice to throw aside all other options? Am I supposed to find some kind of beauty in his willful embrace of the notion that he is nothing more than a piece of meat? If so, then why the fuck was I lead through two hours of rooting for this guy to connect with somebody? Was I really supposed to be sitting there rooting for Randy to fail at making a connection with his daughter, fail at winning Cassidy, fail at crafting a life for himself outside of wrestling, all so he could wrestle one last time? That's bullshit because that's not what Randy the Ram, a guy I really like, wanted. The whole movie was about him making a last stab at making a human connection (even though they seemed to be all around him just waiting to be made), he made it, and he threw it all away for reasons I can't fathom.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
That's Bullshit! Bullshit!
I enjoy analyzing the ratings given to movies by the fine folks at Comcast. (How are these ratings determined? Is there one guy? A woman? A team of people? Maybe a leader and interns. Do they argue? Are there legendary debates and arguments about certain movies? Love affairs? Hatreds? I imagine it so, although I have been watching a hell of a lot of House recently.) Anyway, the ratings. Of course, I notice them most often when I disagree with the rating. For some reason I feel a fair amount of outrage when a movie receives a ranking lower than what I think it deserves. Yes, this is what I save my outrage for. I recognize that this makes me a poor human.
Why are we here today? What is my current outrage? Before we get to that, let me reach back to last week. It's a Wonderful Life was given four stars. Fine. Not my favorite movie, but I recognize it's a Christmas classic beloved by millions. I feel the same way about Gone with the Wind and The Wizard of Oz. However, somehow A Christmas Story was deemed unworthy of four stars, being relegated to three star status. Return of the Jedi status. This is wrong.
Red Dawn. Red Motherfucking Dawn. How many stars? Not the greatest movie in the world, sure, but a genuine 1984 classic. I was looking for three stars, would have accepted two stars, because it's pretty, well, not great. You know where I am going. One star. How in the name of Siskel do you give Red Dawn one star? The fact that is still being shown 24 years after it came out, by definition, gives it classic status.
Alright, Match Game is on. My rage subsides.
Why are we here today? What is my current outrage? Before we get to that, let me reach back to last week. It's a Wonderful Life was given four stars. Fine. Not my favorite movie, but I recognize it's a Christmas classic beloved by millions. I feel the same way about Gone with the Wind and The Wizard of Oz. However, somehow A Christmas Story was deemed unworthy of four stars, being relegated to three star status. Return of the Jedi status. This is wrong.
Red Dawn. Red Motherfucking Dawn. How many stars? Not the greatest movie in the world, sure, but a genuine 1984 classic. I was looking for three stars, would have accepted two stars, because it's pretty, well, not great. You know where I am going. One star. How in the name of Siskel do you give Red Dawn one star? The fact that is still being shown 24 years after it came out, by definition, gives it classic status.
Alright, Match Game is on. My rage subsides.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Must See Movie of the Year?
Speaking of movies, who wants to join me for this Glenn Beck joint?
Glenn Beck's The Christmas Sweater Live
Fathom and Mercury Radio Arts present an Encore screening of Glenn Beck’s The Christmas Sweater on Thursday, December 18th at 8:00pm ET / 7:00pm CT / 6:00pm MT and 8:00pm PT. This show will be recorded live the previous night and is being rebroadcast for this special Encore showing. The Christmas Sweater is a new Christmas Memory Play with Music, based on Glenn Beck's novel of the same name. It is an exciting and compelling piece of theatre, featuring national television/radio personality Glenn Beck, a 10-piece orchestra and a Broadway gospel singer. Filled with warmth and humor, The Christmas Sweater tells the story of real people as they come to terms with tragedy, family, redemption, love and the power of faith. The Christmas Sweater is, quite simply, a good story well told. Don't miss your chance to see Glenn Beck like you’ve never seen him before - and from the comfort of your neighborhood movie theatre. Limited seats available – buy your tickets now!
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Another Whole Month?
Of The Love Guru commercials? 'Cause it looks like it sucks. And I am a fan of Austin Powers and hockey.
Monday, April 28, 2008
The Book of Love Has Opened Up, and I Want In
There's your punk rock Monday for ya.
As most of you know, I cracked, fractured and otherwise broke my arm last weekend. I thought I'd report that it hurts particularly bad today. The next six weeks will be telling, but for now I sense that this may be a Cougaresque "hurt so good," wherein sometimeslove healing don't feel like it should and I am now officially calling on my arm to make it feel like it should.
Some of you may be wondering how a 35 year-old man (né baby) broke his arm. Just know no 35 year-old man should be jumping off the backs of couches, no matter what reason or how drunk.
Speaking of my idiocy...well I was going to tell you a story about the moment I officially became a high school loser who never made it with the ladies (and conspicuously lacked next door neighbors with daughters and/or favors), but I realized that I should tell my wife this story before you all, as it relates to her most of all and she should hear it from me. I'm picturing a Welcome Back Kotter-esque situation, like at the end of the episode where Kotter would tell Julie about his wacky family. Hilarious. You can keep your John Travoltas, I'll take Gabe Kaplan any day of the week. You ever wonder what Kaplan might have done with the Vincent role in Pulp Fiction? Think on it, you may be surprised where it takes you. Maybe it's just Monday and I'm looking forward to the High Stakes Poker tonight.
As most of you know, I cracked, fractured and otherwise broke my arm last weekend. I thought I'd report that it hurts particularly bad today. The next six weeks will be telling, but for now I sense that this may be a Cougaresque "hurt so good," wherein sometimes
Some of you may be wondering how a 35 year-old man (né baby) broke his arm. Just know no 35 year-old man should be jumping off the backs of couches, no matter what reason or how drunk.
Speaking of my idiocy...well I was going to tell you a story about the moment I officially became a high school loser who never made it with the ladies (and conspicuously lacked next door neighbors with daughters and/or favors), but I realized that I should tell my wife this story before you all, as it relates to her most of all and she should hear it from me. I'm picturing a Welcome Back Kotter-esque situation, like at the end of the episode where Kotter would tell Julie about his wacky family. Hilarious. You can keep your John Travoltas, I'll take Gabe Kaplan any day of the week. You ever wonder what Kaplan might have done with the Vincent role in Pulp Fiction? Think on it, you may be surprised where it takes you. Maybe it's just Monday and I'm looking forward to the High Stakes Poker tonight.
Friday, February 1, 2008
16 Years, Down the Tubes
My wife just suggested that Raiders of the Lost Ark is not necessarily better than Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle. And while I type this, she further asserts that "this movie is just a little more badass than Indiana Jones."
Monday, December 3, 2007
Two Thoughts, Completely Unrelated
You know how when you have a low-grade sickness for a couple of days and you feel better in the morning, but then afternoon hits and you realize, that, no, you are not all better and you just want some soup and bed and maybe a James Bond movie on the tv? I got that.
I hope to God (ha ha) that the Republicans nominate Mike Huckabee for president. There is a whole lot of moral decay in this country.
I hope to God (ha ha) that the Republicans nominate Mike Huckabee for president. There is a whole lot of moral decay in this country.
Friday, August 24, 2007
The Iraq War is Just Like (a) WWII (Movie)
It occurred to me the parallels between the Iraq War and the movie Saving Private Ryan are just too amazing not be commented on.
Iraq under Saddam Hussein is just like a guy who has lost all his brothers in war. You see the Iraqi people were suffering, but they didn't know exactly how bad it was and they needed someone to rescue them.
The United States military is just like the...United States military (see, I told you!). The Army is just like those nine men that were sent out to get Private Ryan (Iraq) and give him the good/bad news (we liberated you from the dictator/we've completely destroyed your country and sparked civil war).
Along the way there is some grumping and groaning from the soldiers who have to go get Private Ryan, but in the end we (humorously) learn/realize that complaints only go down, not up, and that we (Democrats, liberals, and/or terrorist sympathizers) should shut up and follow orders, trusting in the wisdom of those that can see the bigger picture and quote Lincoln.
While the journey to find Ryan might take a while, with stops in Cherbourd (Congress) and a Nazi machine gun nest (the UN, where we take out all the nations that would stop us), we eventually find Ryan (liberate Iraq!)!
But Ryan (Iraq) doesn't want to leave his men (the Middle East) and the military realizes how important that darn bridge is (defeating evil), so we stay behind to help Ryan defeat evil, despite the fact that our mission was accomplished (mission accomplished) and we had really won the war (we had really won the war).
In the defeat of evil we lost a lot of men. But we also realized that maybe, just maybe, it was worth it to save Private Ryan, who seems like a decent chap, and if saving Private Iraq earns us the right to go home, well then, that's our mission.
I like to think that in 60 years or so, when Iraq is an old man, it will visit Arlington National Cemetery, maybe bringing the whole family along as a sort of vacation, and it will fall to its knees and beg its wife to tell it that it has been a good nation. And you know what, despite the fact that we will have been given absolutely no information about Iraq, other than it ability to produce fertile off-spring, deep in our hearts we will know that yes, Iraq has been a good nation and the whole crazy mission was worth it after all.
Iraq under Saddam Hussein is just like a guy who has lost all his brothers in war. You see the Iraqi people were suffering, but they didn't know exactly how bad it was and they needed someone to rescue them.
The United States military is just like the...United States military (see, I told you!). The Army is just like those nine men that were sent out to get Private Ryan (Iraq) and give him the good/bad news (we liberated you from the dictator/we've completely destroyed your country and sparked civil war).
Along the way there is some grumping and groaning from the soldiers who have to go get Private Ryan, but in the end we (humorously) learn/realize that complaints only go down, not up, and that we (Democrats, liberals, and/or terrorist sympathizers) should shut up and follow orders, trusting in the wisdom of those that can see the bigger picture and quote Lincoln.
While the journey to find Ryan might take a while, with stops in Cherbourd (Congress) and a Nazi machine gun nest (the UN, where we take out all the nations that would stop us), we eventually find Ryan (liberate Iraq!)!
But Ryan (Iraq) doesn't want to leave his men (the Middle East) and the military realizes how important that darn bridge is (defeating evil), so we stay behind to help Ryan defeat evil, despite the fact that our mission was accomplished (mission accomplished) and we had really won the war (we had really won the war).
In the defeat of evil we lost a lot of men. But we also realized that maybe, just maybe, it was worth it to save Private Ryan, who seems like a decent chap, and if saving Private Iraq earns us the right to go home, well then, that's our mission.
I like to think that in 60 years or so, when Iraq is an old man, it will visit Arlington National Cemetery, maybe bringing the whole family along as a sort of vacation, and it will fall to its knees and beg its wife to tell it that it has been a good nation. And you know what, despite the fact that we will have been given absolutely no information about Iraq, other than it ability to produce fertile off-spring, deep in our hearts we will know that yes, Iraq has been a good nation and the whole crazy mission was worth it after all.
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
God Declares Exodus Worst Book of the Bible
Apparently, George Lucas believes that Empire was the worst of the Star Wars movies. I am beginning to feel more and more sorry for him.
Friday, March 16, 2007
March Madness Post 7
Is there anyway that "Pride" can be a good movie? And what is with Tom Arnold playing the cracker in movies aimed at African-Americans? Those of you that remember his bizarre turn in "Soul Plane" were not as stoned as I, as I only vaguely remember that it was a disaster.
Friday, March 2, 2007
This Is Your Future
In my role as "uncle," I often have to be the one to break new ground for my friends in experiencing "grown-up"-type things. For instance, I'm (okay, we're) in the process of remodeling the kitchen. I am now a font of information on cabinets, hardware, counter-tops, etc.
Another area I have experience is in watching bad "family" movies. These movies are "family" only in the sense that kids enjoy them and parents love their kids. For those of you who do not have kids or have wee youngins, you probably believe that you will never take your kids to these movies. You think that you will only see the most intellectual of children's fare. Pixar for eye candy, but otherwise... Maybe even see "regular" movies that your kids will be able to enjoy on a more "basic" level, while you get all the nuances. They might not "get" The Queen, but who couldn't enjoy Mirren's performance?
I laugh. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha ∞!
The Bellman took a swipe at Underdog, deeming it "unfortunate." Watch that trailer, then watch this. Make it through the little ad they run.
If you have kids, you will see Firehouse Dog, or something very much like it. Trust uncle. This is your future.
Another area I have experience is in watching bad "family" movies. These movies are "family" only in the sense that kids enjoy them and parents love their kids. For those of you who do not have kids or have wee youngins, you probably believe that you will never take your kids to these movies. You think that you will only see the most intellectual of children's fare. Pixar for eye candy, but otherwise... Maybe even see "regular" movies that your kids will be able to enjoy on a more "basic" level, while you get all the nuances. They might not "get" The Queen, but who couldn't enjoy Mirren's performance?
I laugh. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha ∞!
The Bellman took a swipe at Underdog, deeming it "unfortunate." Watch that trailer, then watch this. Make it through the little ad they run.
If you have kids, you will see Firehouse Dog, or something very much like it. Trust uncle. This is your future.
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