Get Thee to a Nunnery

I don't usually write too much about celebrity gossip, but it's something I follow. I believe Wobs got me hooked on it. When we weren't trolling the net for Lordi videos, I'd hit up the celebrity sites. So I know what's what.

As I said, don't usually comment on this stuff here, but I had to make note of the Miley Cyrus (or, as I call her, Ciley Myrus) hubbub. For those not inclined to watch The View, read the gossip column in the local paper, or be American, Miley is a huge star with all the kids because of the Disney show Hanna Montana, which I have never viewed, but know all about. Because I'm American.

She has an interview in Vanity Fair wherein Annie Leibovitz took some photos, one of which feature some hot 15 year-old naked back action. You can view it here. Go ahead, I'll wait. Prepare yourself, though, it's pretty shocking. Back? Okay. Breathing regular again?

Apparently, a good portion of the America lives in a world where naked 15 year-old backs are something that should not be discussed, let alone shown to the world. Apparently, we're supposed to be very concerned about her fans. Apparently, every girl between the ages of 6 and 19 are going to be running out and demanding that Leibovitz take portraits of their naked backs. Apparently.

The reason I write about this and the kicker for me is that the fine folks at Disney have gotten into the act. The current "line" is that Miley was somehow tricked into taking these "racy" photos or pressured into by Leibovitz.

A Disney spokeswoman, Patti McTeague, faulted Vanity Fair for the photo. “Unfortunately, as the article suggests, a situation was created to deliberately manipulate a 15-year-old in order to sell magazines,” she said.

BOOM! The fine folks at Disney are very concerned that someone would manipulate a young woman in the pursuit of profits! The horror!

And Disney is not stopping a tut-tutting the situation, the are going to put Miley on ice for awhile.

"You won't be seeing her for a while," a highranking Disney employee was overheard saying this weekend at a luncheon in LA, according to Page Six. "The company is keeping her away from events and wants her to keep a very low profile for the next four to six months. They're trying to keep her contained."

I honestly don't know where to go with this.

I want to write about the two Americas -- the one where we thought we were past sending young women to the country to have babies to avoid embarrassing the family (let's call this "Blue America") and the one where even the exposure of 15 year-old back is enough to warrant the country treatment ("Red America.")

I want to write about the fact that if there is a single corporation that has done more harm to the young women of America to a greater extent than Disney, I'd like someone to name it. I was at a Girl Scouts meeting the other day (my only one and I am milking it) and the girls were discussing which characters from a musical or play they would want to be. One of them named "the girl lion from the Lion King." I thought about saying something at that point about how interesting it was that the whole movie was male focused, even though though a lion pride is heavily reliant on female lions to survive, to the point where we couldn't even remember the name of the "girl lion," but then other girls started aspiring to be like characters from Rent and my thoughts were taken in other directions. (Hello, fellow Girl Scout parents. Rent? Are you freakin' kidding me!?)

I also want to write about the exploitation of children for entertainment. Also about really crappy kids shows. About corporate control of female bodies. About teen sex. But I have work to do and other outrages piling up on my desk.

Avuncular Happenings

In yesterday's Board meeting, I referenced Peter Gabriel's song "Biko." No one had any idea what I was talking about. Although, to be fair, I'm pretty sure not many were listening to me.

Mad Wicked Awesome

I was trying to avoid posting over the anniversary post, but I have to share this with you all because it is the mad bomb diggity, as the kids say.

You should all dial it on over to the CBS webite and check out the CBS News video on reaching out to "hipster voters." I kid you not.

Wal-Mart Is a Pimp

According to feministing, these are on sale in the juniors section of Wal-Mart.

As Jessica says, "There's nothing quite like telling adolescent girls that they don't need to worry about finances since they have their very own moneypot between their legs."

Contact customer service here and corporate offices here: let them know that preteen vaginas aren't commodities."

I'd like to know who buys these for their daughter? Then again, three dollar underwear? Who cares what they say! Not that more expensive clothes for the pre-teens are much better, but at least not quite so crass about it.

What the Navy and the AFL Have in Common

From the Bellman:

This is a bit long, but cruise through it. It actually has some good data that I imagine apply to most of our careers.

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This is great. Sixty-nine ;) slides of the Navy trying to understand the kids today and at no time did the Navy consider that the way the kids today live might, I don't know, better than the way they were brought up.

Let's see...the kids today are perfectly comfortable with technology. They are perfectly comfortable living in a "virtual" world. They have multi-ethnic friendships. Nation means little to them. Race means little. They like their parents. They value education. They want to serve, volunteer, and be involved. They learn by doing, rather than through understanding theoretical models. They have no inherent respect for "authority." They are hyper-achievers. They want praise for doing work.

And the Navy would like to undo all of that. Mentor a kid. Teach 'em that the 60s were the bomb. Life is hard. Respect authority. America kicks ass! Sand niggers must die! The "real world" sucks. And is like the Matrix. Without the hot chick. One would imagine. Teach 'em that they have to respect you because you're old. Teach 'em that they don't know nothin'. Make sure they understand that college, unlike the Navy, is for sissy boys and girls. Say things like, "I thought that black eyed peas were for New Years!" Then cackle maniacally. Teach 'em about Reagan and the Cold War, you know when the world made sense. (Don't teach 'em about our support of Iraq during the Iran-Iraq War, that will only confuse 'em.) Teach them that the Navy is really like one giant video game, expect you actually kill real people, but you only get to be a guy who monitors a screen, not the guy who actually pulls any sort of trigger.

We have the same damn problem in the union movement. We're starting to get the speeches that point out that most "good" union men and women are retiring soon and the kids coming up behind them need to understand the value of the union. Because the kids today, I tell you what, they just don't get it. So I go to workshops about reaching out to young workers, but what you get is a room full of Boomers bitching about how the young people just don't respect all the work that Boomers did to get those contracts. They don't want to join the union. They don't want to get involved. Let's all sit around talk about what is wrong with these kids and how we can get them to be more like us.

I've started to become a bit more vocal in my displeasure about these sorts of conversations, but I have yet to hit upon any kind of rhetorical strategy to make the oldsters see that it is maybe they that need to be thinking of ways to relate to the kids and not the vicey versey. That our unions must change in order to stay relevant. The unions of the 1950s did not look like the unions of the 1930s, the 1970s did not look like the 1950s and so on. A massive cultural shift is here, but I don't think it happens by convincing the young people that the union model has been perfected, so it is time they get on board.

Of course, I am hampered by my lack of knowledge about how it is we reach out to the young people. I am very conscious of the fact that my Simpsons references, which used to go over like gang-busters and formed the heart of the GTFF for a while, now fall totally flat. Using Robert Guilliaume as a cultural touchstone is over. And like all old folk, I fear that which I do not know. But still, I like to think I am slightly better off than my Boomer aunts and uncles.

So what do we do to reach out to the young folk? For the most part, I think it is just a matter of getting the hell out of their way and seeing where they take us. Maybe the key to getting the old folk to understand how to "reach out" to the young people is to teach them that everything is going to be okay. Maybe educate them a little about the po-mo. Tomorrow's unions won't be "better" or "worse," they'll just be "different." And that's "okay."

Incompetent Politics

We have a ballot measure battle out here in the sticks. Measure 50 would raises taxes on a pack of cigs by $.85. This money would be used to provide health care for the poor.

Big Tobacco has been running ads against it. Brilliantly, they have framed the issue as a huge give away to HMOs. More people with health care = more money for health insurance companies. They are also going with the "we must protect the sanctity of our Constitution" and "what's next? Coffee??!?!?!??"

The Yes on 50 people, or the Healthy Kids Initiative, just fired back with their first commercial. They have decided to go the (troubling) nativist route and attack the out-of-state tobacco companies that don't care about our kids. Not only should we on the left be deeply troubled that the best weapon our allies have is a claim to "homeland," but Health Kids manages to screw the pooch by having their narrator mispronounce "Oregon."

You out-of-staters may not know this, but we Oregonians are very, very, infinitely very touchy about how "Oregon" is pronounced.

The Healthy Kids folks are running a commercial that has one message, "vote yes because the 'no' crowd is from out of state." Then they manage to fuck up the pronunciation of the state name. How the heck did this get by anyone who actually lives in Oregon? Why was it run? Why? Why? Why?

I wish I could show you the video, but the Health Kids folks are also not competent enough to post their freakin' commercial on the YouTubes, let alone post it to their website.

Boobery.

And lastly, very prominent on the website is the message that Lance Armstrong(!) endorses Measure 50! That's right, out-of-state adultering cheaters think this is a great idea! You should too!

Twain

The fashion accessory of choice on the UO campus this fall seems to be boobs. Or more to the point, cleavage. Ample, ample cleavage. Even the new grad students are highlighting this particular feature of their physiology. I am, like any good '90s man, horrified by this development and wonder exactly what they young ladies are thinking.

A Small Wager

Amber and I have a bet on. I have bet her $50 that she can't find an adult who will honestly say they wish they had studied less while in school.

My confidence in winning this bet is bolstered by the fact that Amber seems to think that her teachers will be a good place to go to get the anti-studying message.

This Is Your Future

In my role as "uncle," I often have to be the one to break new ground for my friends in experiencing "grown-up"-type things. For instance, I'm (okay, we're) in the process of remodeling the kitchen. I am now a font of information on cabinets, hardware, counter-tops, etc.

Another area I have experience is in watching bad "family" movies. These movies are "family" only in the sense that kids enjoy them and parents love their kids. For those of you who do not have kids or have wee youngins, you probably believe that you will never take your kids to these movies. You think that you will only see the most intellectual of children's fare. Pixar for eye candy, but otherwise... Maybe even see "regular" movies that your kids will be able to enjoy on a more "basic" level, while you get all the nuances. They might not "get" The Queen, but who couldn't enjoy Mirren's performance?

I laugh. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha ∞!

The Bellman took a swipe at Underdog, deeming it "unfortunate." Watch that trailer, then watch this. Make it through the little ad they run.

If you have kids, you will see Firehouse Dog, or something very much like it. Trust uncle. This is your future.